Fairness Pt 1

I call this part one because this issue is not resolved in my mind. I'm still trying to work through this. So be patient.

This sunday at church. I hate saying that "I went to church" as if it was a building. Its not. Its people. This Sunday when I was with the body? Much better. Dave was teaching about the idea of fairness. He told us the story from Mathew 13 about the man who hires workers and pays them all the same even though they worked different lengths of time. Dave told us that in the Kingdom of God that things don't always look like they're fair. I know Dave was speaking from his heart when he said this. He had just suffered a great tradgedy and could distinctly feel the bitter pangs from lifes unfairness.

I have a hard time with unfairness. I don't like it. Its unfair that childeren all over the world starve when I eat my full. Its unfair that good people die. I don't like it. But there's such a thing as grace. I find it interesting what Matt Thiessen says about it "The beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair." Grace is really unfair.

I always kind understood God as being fair and yet grace kind of throws a monkey wrench in that. I have a hard time accepting that poverty and genocide have a place in the kingdom of Heaven. I don't think they are, but maybe for some some reason i've always equated unfairness with bad things.
Maybe fairness is not the point.
I feel that the reason that I should try to help people who are oppressed or impovrished is because their conditions are unfair. I'm scared that if fairness does not exist as we understand it then people starving is ok. Then genocide is somehow acceptable.
Maybe fairness is not the issue. Maybe I should help people not because I'm trying to make things fair, but because I love them. And I want to pour my self out for them. Maybe. I think thats why Jesus helped people. He loved them and was not concerned with "fairness." I don't know.

I've been humbled

Hey wow 2 posts in 48 hours rock on. Anywho I'm waiting for my aunt and her boyfriend to come over so I'm just chilling. Yesterday was an interesting day. I went to sociology and I haven't been there in like a week so I imagine I missed a ton of stuff like tests, but nothing too major. So anyway this guy gets up and for extra credit he gives his life story. Thats all well and good, but here's the rub: I'm a jerk. Really I am. I have this thing were I think I'm better than everyone else and no one is as sophisticated or intelligent as me. So this guy gets up there and he's a redneck, and for the last semester I've subconsciously looked down my nose at him, which I imagine is a funny sight because he towers a good foot over me. Well he gets up and is pouring his guts out about drug addiction and getting his leg amputated. Somewhere in the middle of his story I realize that I'm an ass. That this is a remarkable human being who has a story, and has seen alot more of life than me and I'm a little punk. Humbling. I wanted to hug him, but that would have been awkward for the both of us. You know I don't know a lot about Jesus and God, but I think that Jesus wouldn't look down on him. I think that Jesus would love him. And love him furiously. So I should start loving people too.

I'm sorry. I would like to apologise to everyone out there, becuase I have a hard time loving you. I'm going to try to do better, but I need God's help. So be patient with me please I'm still trying to figure this out.

Hows it going? I hope everyone is doing ok. I havn't posted anything on this for a while. I get these moments of insight, but most of the time they come to me when I'm in the shower, on the toilet, or in bed. Maybe I should get a porcelen thrown and put it at the computer desk. Or i could just carry around a toilet seat and put it on my chair whenever I sit down. Anyways..

I've had a few interesting things bouncing around in my head lately. Or maybe just one. And it's mainly that I don't know if I know God. Its kind of a scary thought. I grew up in church; if anyone knows God I should. But I got to thinking if this is a relationship I should know the other person. I have other relationships with my friends, my girlfriend, my parents, and such. I know them. But I don't know if I know God.

Well thats been a while and now I've come to the conclusion that I don't really know God. So now what do I do about it? I want to know God, but how do I go about it. I grew up reading the bible, but I read it like it was a manual or something. How do I read this book and find a God who is alive? I don't know. I guess what I'm asking is how do I begin to take God out of the philosophical/theological construct that I've alway viewed him as and begin to see him as a real living somebody? I don't know how to do that.